When Your Buddy Becomes Your Boss

I spent much of my early adult years working the graveyard shift in a grocery store to work my way through University.  I’m not really sure why any thinking employer would leave four or five twenty-year-olds unattended in the middle of the night with several hundred thousand dollars worth of inventory, but they did.  It’s a good thing we didn’t sell booze.

There was a camaraderie on the Night Crew that comes when a group of like-minded individuals works closely together.  All was fine until one of the guys figured out he was in charge.  I suspect the store manager worked night crew once himself, and knew it was a debacle, and figured out how to solve the problem:  make someone accountable.

This was fine, except that because he was accountable, he, in turn, wanted all of us to be accountable.  I didn’t want to be accountable, I wanted to be at home, in my bed, asleep.  This guy took us to task on the length of our breaks, and how many bananas we consumed in the middle of the night without ringing them through the register.

In short, he did exactly what he should have, as our boss.  The problem was, this guy was our buddy a short time ago, and all of sudden he was the boss.  What happened to all those drunken stoopers where we’d backstab the management bozos?  Now he was one of those management bozos.

In some cases, when two highly-professional people decide to make it work, a new boss and his/her former peers can make it work.  Most of the time, however, you have to choose between being a buddy or being a boss.

If you are doing your job well as a manager, you’re not there to make friends.  You’re there to do your job to the best of your ability, which occasionally may mean pissing off former peers.

The bottom line is if your friendships at work are really important to you, you may want to think long and hard about how badly you want that promotion to becoming the boss.

Generation X in the Workplace

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Given how small Generation X is compared to the Boomers or the Millennials, there is much written about Generation X in the Workplace.  Below we discuss:

  • Why managers should care about Generation X in the Workplace.
  • What has shaped Generation X in the Workplace
  • The expectations of Generation X in the Workplace
  • How to lead and motivate Generation X in the Workplace

First, we should define Generation X in the Workplace

Traditionalists:             1925 – 1945

Baby Boomers:           1946 – 1965

Generation X:              1966 – 1980

Millennials:                  1980 – 1999

Why Managers Should Care About Generation X in the Workplace

  • Clashes between generations can directly affect turnover, and unwanted turnover is expensive and time consuming.
  • If team members do not feel like they “fit in” or that their values are not reflected in the workplace, they are more at risk of leaving.
  • Generation X in the Workplace has been influenced by different life events and thus has different perspectives that can impact motivation and performance.  For Example, Generation X in the Workplace:
    • Has unique ways of viewing quality.
    • Has distinct and preferred ways of managing and being managed.
    • Has different priorities that effect how and when they show up for work.

The Shaping of Generation X in the Workplace

  • This generation watched their parents get downsized out of their jobs after a lifetime of loyalty.
  • They graduated from high school and university into a poor job market.
  • They were the most educated generation in history at the time.
  • Gen X came from families that had triple the divorce rates than that of the previous generation.
  • They came of age during the end of the Cold War
  • They saw the beginning of the digital revolution
  • They were the first generation to wonder if they’d be able to do as well as their parents.

Expectations of Generation X in the Workplace

  • They are skeptical of everyone and everything.
  • After watching their parents struggle with large organizations, they expect to be screwed.
  • They are as loyal to their organizations, as they expect their organization will be to them (not very loyal!)
  • They expect to be independent and to do it on their own.
  • Rather than challenge authority they tend to ignore it.
  • Job security is about mobility, not stability.  They believe job security comes from proactively jumping from job to job.
  • They are entrepreneurial.
  • They approach work as a process of acquiring skills or resume building.

How to Lead and Motivate Generation X in the Workplace

  • Let them take risks.  Allow them to take some chances.
  • Respect their time.  Time off or away is often a motivator for this group
  • Be Creative with Time Worked: Sabbaticals, compressed work-weeks, telecommuting, are all very popular amongst this group.
  • Reward them with training or other experience building offers. Gen X values the opportunity to build their resumes.
  • Let them do it their way.  Take advantage of their entrepreneurial spirit.   Give them a challenge and let them figure it out.

3 Things that frustrate Generation X in the Workplace about the other generations:

  1. Boomers are self-absorbed workaholics, who took all the good jobs, and now won’t give them up.
  2. Traditionalists reject change, and are too rigid.
  3. Generation Y expects everything to be handed to them.

Watch the ‘3-Minute Crash Course’ about Generation X in the Workplace (CLICK THE ARROW TO START THE VIDEO):

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I’m Not a Manager. I’m a Babysitter

Well, that’s kind of harsh – even if it is true for many leaders.  How did it come to this?  How did you manage your career so you could end up mediating between two employees who are applying death-threats to each other because one used the other’s Arthur Fonzarelli commemorative coffee mug, and never washed it?

None of us stood up in the first grade and announced to the world that we wanted to be a middle manager.  Yet, there are far more middle managers than there are police officers, fire-fighters and ballerinas combined.  And here you are a generation later with the title, “Manager” which entitles you to:

  • 10% more pay than the two idiots arguing over the coffee mug
  • longer working hours
  • hypertension.

I remember being the manager of a supermarket, where I’d have to mediate such disputes as who had to check through the groceries.  Yep, that’s right – we had hired over 100 people into the job description, “cashier”, and I was constantly involved in battles over who had to check.  Weren’t we paying all of you to perform that function?

Or another employee who made a career out of torturing other people with comments such as:

  • “I think you’ve put on weight”
  • “You’ll probably be bald in another couple of years”
  • “Why do you think it is that people don’t like you”

Of course, he always phrased these in such a way that he couldn’t be taken to task for harassment, but that didn’t stop the line-up of complaints about his behaviour.

I finally developed a coping strategy for these petty complaints that made me tremendously unpopular with everyone, but I enjoyed my job much more, and had way more time on my hands.  Unless I deemed the complaint to be something that would effect the viability of the business, or lead to an unacceptable amount of risk, I would tell people, “You need to sort this out on your own, because if you try to involve me, I guarantee no one is going to like the result”.

A threat?  Probably.

A survival strategy?  Definitely.

I’ve spoken in this space before about “the burden of leadership” that some managers have thought is a bit harsh.  I won’t back away from those comments, but I will say that petty complaints and conflicts are not part of any manager’s job – it’s a baby-sitter’s job.

The Manager’s job is often a thankless one, but it doesn’t have to be trivial, unless you allow it to be so.  This aspect of the manager’s job is timeless.

 

 

How to Manage Conflict

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How to manage conflict is a core management skill that is seldom developed for many leaders.  Below we discuss some easy steps for managers to be able to effectively manage conflict.

A survey conducted by Accountemps in 2011 concluded that leaders on average spend 16% of their time trying to manage conflict.  Given this amount of effort, organizations already spend a great deal of time and money to manage conflict.  Presumably those organizations and the leaders there would want to ensure that they manage conflict well.

The Avoidance Myth

Many leaders erroneously believe that avoidance is the best way to manage conflict.  This is not true.  In fact, avoiding and yielding responses to manage conflict can be extraordinarily harmful.  Conflict is inevitable in any workplace, and is neither good nor bad, but rather how people manage conflict can make the situation better or worse.

4 Keys to Properly Manage Conflict

Below are four key elements to effectively manage conflict.

  1. Know when to act.
  2. Focus on specific behaviours, not individual person(s)
  3. Be self-aware
  4. Move forward

Know When to Act to Properly Manage Conflict

Sometimes leaders need to take decisive action when attempting to manage conflict.  Other times they should ignore a situation:

  • Respond to serious conflict, and avoid petty grievances.  People should be told to sort out their own problems when they are of a minor nature.
  • If there will be a significant affect on morale or productivity – deal with it.
  • Certainly act if there is any potential for harassment or violence.

Focus on Specific Behaviours, not Individual Person(s) to Properly Manage Conflict

As a leader, you must rise above personality clashes when attempting to manage conflict:

  • You need to deal with problem people, but in the context of their behaviour or the situation.
  • Take note of observable or measurable behaviours.
  • Be aware of both active and passive responses to conflict.  In other words, in some cases, you may be better off to take note of a situation, and deal with the conflict when you have more and better information.

Be Self-aware

You are a leader who has a responsibility to manage conflict, but you are also a person who is subject to thoughts and emotion.  Make sure you are self-aware:

  • What is the impact of this conflict on you?
  • What people or situations are likely to “push your buttons”? (The Conflict Dynamics Profile will help you figure this out)
  • Attempt to understand how and why the conflict is occurring.
  • Know there is a “moment of choice” that will either resolve or escalate the conflict

Move Forward

In order properly manage conflict, there must be some resolution.  In other words, something must occur differently going forward than has happened in the past:

  • Ensure everyone understands what will be different going forward.
  • Who will do what by when to achieve resolution?

3 Things to Remember to Properly Manage Conflict

  1. Deal with conflict – do not avoid it.  It won’t resolve itself, and the longer you leave things, the worse it will get.
  2. Don’t minimize the impact on you.  Be aware of what emotions are at play when dealing with conflict, and how they may impact your judgment and action.
  3. Don’t make it personal.  Always deal with the situation, rather than attacking the person, and conversely remember that someone who is attacking you, is likely not attacking the person.

Watch the ‘3-Minute Crash Course’ about How to Manage Conflict (CLICK THE ARROW TO START THE VIDEO):

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Middle Management Conflicts, and TV Sitcoms

If you’re a regular visitor to this site, you’ll know we like The Office, Seinfeld, Saturday Night Live, and 30 Rock.  With only a few other exceptions, broadcast television is an incredible waste of time, and like other recreational drugs, should be used only occasionally and sparingly.

Interestingly, life on the corporate food-chain is not unlike a poorly written sitcom.  Perhaps that is why so many of them are set in the workplace.  Both the workplace and the crappy sitcoms have protagonists, antagonists, and usually some version of the mentally unbalanced.  Bad writing and poor acting are part of both as well.  Perhaps the only significant difference is that on a sitcom, big problems can neatly be wrapped up in 22 minutes, so there’s time to sell soap and give you a preview to next week’s silliness.

I decided to do some research for this post, so I sat for an evening to watch some sitcoms to make sure I hadn’t misplaced my contempt, and to bring myself up to date on some of the blubber being offered up on TV.

Apparently prime-time comedy is getting worse.  It is also apparent that one doesn’t need an abundance of talent to write this stuff, so Wily Manager proudly presents:

Manager in the Middle

Manager in the Middle is an innovative new sitcom from the people who bring you the Wily Manager weekly podcasts.  The primary character (yet to be named, pending focus group results) is a smart, but cheeky manager constantly being offset by his sadistic immediate supervisor.

The supervisor, Cruela (played by Jane Lynch) loves to pit one manager off against another believing this “healthy” competition will better help her run her business.  Our protagonist is also matrix-managed by a kind, cautious human-resource manager who always knows the right thing to do, but is unwilling to make a decision, and is incredibly conflict-adverse.

Our hero (played by Frankie Muniz (he’s all grown up now)) has four peer managers who all report to Cruella.  Rounding out the cast is:

  • Vlad: The hard-working, smart, reliable foreigner who is easily pushed around for fear of losing his work visa (played by Fez from That 70s Show)
  • Dianne: The single mom who is just trying to make it through the day, but is in constant conflict with Cruela, as she struggles to make it to the daycare on time to pick up her two kids.  Cruela would like to fire her for not working insane hours, but unfortunately (for Cruela) the work she does is outstanding.
  • Don: The smarmy, but oddly likeable young single guy who doesn’t know near as much as he thinks he does.  He also loves to take credit for other people’s work.
  • Vera: The jaded, cynical, sharp-tongued middle aged woman who has over ten years until retirement, but can tell you how many days are left in her working career.

Join us in the first episode when Cruela asks her team to stay late to meet a useless last minute request that everyone knows will go nowhere… and hilarity ensues.

Think we could get Fox to air it after Glee?

Top 10 Manager Challenges (Part A – Managing Conflict)

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Top 10 Manager Challenges:

Here, we talk about the first five, all of which involve CONFLICT.
[What are YOUR Hot Buttons? Take the Conflict Dynamics Profile questionnaire to find out, and get a personalized development guide.]
  1. Firing people
  2. Disciplining people
  3. Showdown with the boss
  4. Being caught in the middle
  5. Peer conflicts
  6. Constant Change
  7. Baby-sitting
  8. Overload
  9. Red Tape – Needless Administration
  10. Personal fulfillment
Firing People:
  • Only the perverse enjoy this part of the job
  • Have a solid paper trail.  If you don’t have one – postpone the firing until you do*
  • Get good advice – HR or legal
  • Make the meeting short and to the point
  • Never fire someone in anger or on the spot
  • Do not put this off because it’s uncomfortable

Employee Discipline:

  • Have a process
  • Document every meeting
    • Formal or informal
    • Written or verbal
  • Make consequences clear in advance of disciplinary action
  • Have all the information at your disposal
  • Have a witness – preferably someone from HR or legal

Showdown with the Boss:

  • Insist on dealing with it in private
  • Never bad-mouth the boss
  • Consider whether s/he has a point
  • Don’t make idle threats
  • Reinforce that s/he is the boss, and you will ultimately do as they ask*
  • Choose your battles carefully
  • Move to resolution, not to perpetuate conflict

Being Caught in the Middle:

  • Tow the party line – even when you don’t agree
  • Explain the rationale as best you understand it
  • Do not blame by pointing up the hierarchy
  • Where appropriate act as a facilitator for a more favourable outcome
  • Be very clear with your people as to what is negotiable and what is not

Peer Conflicts:

  • Determine how important a peer relationship is to you, your department and your ability to be successful
  • Figure out what they need/want from you
  • Help them understand what you need/want from them, and why it is important
  • Escalate the problem only as a last resort

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The Most Effective Interpersonal Communication? Don’t be an A$$hole

OK… we’ll start this week by talking in code.  Even though the inappropriate word above is now widely used on network television, and even Bill Cosby has uttered it from his lips, I’m pretty sure if I repeat the word several times in one post, a number of firewalls will catch it, and I won’t be able to spread the gospel this week.

For our purposes, the code word will be “O-ring”.

I was once told that in this world there are two types of people:  Idiots and O-rings.  Your label is determined by your behaviour, and everyone has acted as both an idiot and an O-ring at various points in their lives.  Some particularly talented people have managed to be both simultaneously, earning the title “idiot-hole”.

When asked if I thought I was an idiot or an O-ring, I struggled for which term I found less offensive, and more importantly what sort of behaviour qualifies one for membership in each category.  The definition of “idiot” is reasonably clear.  Anytime you’ve made an unbelievably stupid choice, you qualify as an idiot.  In my case, I was clearly an idiot when I agreed to sit through a “short video presentation”  (with a complementary cocktail) when I was on vacation in Mexico many years ago.

The definition of O-ring is somewhat more illusive.  I canvassed a number of people to try to determine exactly what would qualify someone to be labeled an O-ring.  As it turns out whenever someone else does something we don’t like, they are an O-ring.  Case in point: traffic.  Of all the people driving within a 100km radius of your vehicle, there is you, and all the other O-rings on the road.

This revelation naturally led me to examine my own behaviour when I was an Operations Manager with many direct reports.  I arrived at the unmistakable conclusion that I was a tremendous O-ring.  I’m not talking about an occasional O-ring maneuver, but rather a full-time job of simply being an O-ring.  My entire work world was an infinite series of actions and decisions that at other people didn’t like.  If I could go back in time, I’d change my title to AC (O-ring in charge).

So, is it possible to be a manager without being an O-ring?  Probably not.  Would you want to be a manager that’s not an O-ring?  Only if you want to be an idiot.

This week we talk about how improving your ability to communicate constructively, you might avoid being labeled an O-ring.

Effective Interpersonal Communication

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Why Bother?
  • Rarely will you be successful without the ability to “relate” effectively.
  • Those who leave positive impressions get more done through and with others than those who leave negative impressions.

Listening

  • Do you offer answers before the question has even been asked?
  • Do you offer conclusions or solutions before hearing the whole story?
  • Manage the first 3 minutes
    • Take in information
    • Ask questions
    • Active listening
    • Don’t interrupt

Body Language

Body language that will not help you relate well with others:

  • Washboard brow
  • The blank stare
  • Looking at your watch or the I’m busy look
  • Finger or pencil drumming

Body language that will help:

  • Eye contact
  • Smile
  • Nodding while the person is talking
  • Open body posture

Language

When you do start talking the key to leaving a positive impression is to replace conflict provoking language with language that sounds like you want to cooperate and work with the other person.

Blame

Assigning Blame or figuring our who’s at fault is rarely helpful

  • Eliminate blaming statements
    • You aren’t listening.
    • If you had taken more care …
  • Focus on figuring out a solution and moving forward
    • Let me try and explain this better …
    • What might we do differently in order to …

Commands

  • In most situations people don’t like being told what to do.
  • Be careful with direct or implied commands.
    • You should …
    • You ought to  …
    • You have to …
    • You need to …
  • Instead try statements of options or choice.
    • Have you considered …
    • What if we were to …
  • Making a request often lands better than a command.
    • Would you mind …
    • Could I ask you to …

Absolutes

Never use absolutes like “never” or “always” because they always:

  • Result in the other person getting defensive.
  • Are inaccurate.
  • Examples:
    • This work is never finished on time.
    • This happens every time we talk.
    • You always …

Other Tips

  • When you are frustrated your “gut” response will often cause problems.
    • Reflect, Restate and Respond.
  • Check your Ego.
    • Don’t come across like you couldn’t possibly be wrong or the other persons idea couldn’t possibly work.
  • Show you Care.
    • Take the time to get to know the other person.

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Communicating for Results

Learn how to communicate most effectively through listening, word choice, and body language.

Watch the ‘Communicating for Results?’ video (23 mins 28 sec):

Download the ‘Communicating for Results’ Video (m4v)

Download the ‘Communicating for Results’ Audio (mp3)

Effective Interpersonal Communication Podcast Slides

Take a look at the ‘Communicating for Results’ Cheat Sheet

Changing Corporate Culture — the show about nothing

In January of 1986, the space shuttle Challenger exploded on take-off killing all seven crew, and grounding the American space program for two years.  Of the exhaustive investigations that took place (that led to a significant number of changes for NASA, and how they conducted their business), perhaps the most important change was that for the first time, talking about changing corporate culture was fair game.

The engineers and investigators determined the technical causes of the explosion, but when they dug deeper to understand why those technical issues were not addressed in advance, they ended up in the uncomfortable place of changing corporate culture.  It turns out NASA had a culture whereby many qualified people knew there was a significant risk of disaster, but none chose to voice those concerns, even if they would have been listened to.

I call this an “uncomfortable” conclusion because highly technical people in any organization want to discuss things they can see, touch and/or count.  Changing corporate culture is something that nebulous and messy.  It’s difficult to define, impossible to measure, and probably the most important element of performance in an organization — as NASA found out the hard way.

So how do you go about changing corporate culture?

You don’t.

Much like Jerry Seinfeld dominated television with a show about nothing, organizations need to get about doing what they do.  I was recently in the NBC store in New York, more than a decade after Seinfeld left the air, and discovered that a significant portion of the wares were dedicated to Seinfeld’s “nothing”.  The Soup Nazi, Vandalay Industries, and Kramer’s hair all testify to the enduring quality of Seinfeld’s “nothing”.

Changing corporate culture is a lot like the show about nothing.  What people do, how they interact with each other, how they manage conflict, what gets rewarded, who gets promoted, how success is measured and a score of other things all add up to your corporate culture.

The silliest thing you can do is to declare a change in corporate culture to some virtue you read about at some other company.  The culture you have now is a product of the things above.  If you want to change your corporate culture, you need to address those things.

And don’t think it will happen in a hurry.  It will be a decade more before Seinfeld is replaced at the NBC store.

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